even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
