I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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