We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
