I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
