At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
The air was thick with penises
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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