My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
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