I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
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