just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Randomize
