ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
