If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
