Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize