I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
