I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
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