There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
high people should be assigned attendants
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize