All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
