Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
