At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
