I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
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