You can't special order awesome
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Randomize
