She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
