I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize