she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
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