I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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