I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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