He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
i think my mom watched the whole time
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Randomize