So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
