I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
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