went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize