I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
