I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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