Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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