I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
