you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I'm too high and old for this...
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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