He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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