The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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