We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
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