My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
