I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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