I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
He did a backflip because drugs
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