Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Randomize
