But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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