what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
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