Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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