I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
