I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
