Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize
