she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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