Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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