Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize