I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
