someone threw a dead crab at me
I hate all girls vehemently.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
