he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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