i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Randomize
