before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Is it penis luge time yet?
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
