I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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