remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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