I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize