listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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