toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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