wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Randomize
