I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
