She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
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