Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
