Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
