i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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