so that wasnt chicken after all
I cockslap morals
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Randomize
