he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
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