i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
