some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
