dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
