would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Randomize