Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
