I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
