I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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