Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
