WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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